I loathe being at the disposal of everyone. Seems everyone needs something, and a lot of them need it from me. This isn't my ideal existence, and yet I feel as though it is often what I am called toward, depressing as it may be. I tire so much of needing to be in so many places at once, that there is precious little of me left when the day ends. I head to a routine, to a self-flagellation that I believe will someday pay off. And yet it never does, as the demands get bigger and bigger, while the reward disappears to nothingness.

I may not be owed anything, and I believe I'm not.

But I'd like to take a break, now. If it's ok with everyone, I'd like to heal for a long while, before more demands come.